Personal Filters In-Check

Would you tell someone that he/she looked fat, dirty, or ugly?

Per Wikipedia Social competence consists of social, emotional, cognitive and behavioral skills needed for successful social adaptation. Social competence also reflects having an ability to take another’s perspective concerning a situation, learn from past experiences, and apply that learning to the changes in social interactions.

Our filters tell us that, even if we’re looking at someone and we’re thinking “Wow, she needs to lose weight or “Oh my gosh, he needs to take a shower,” we don’t say it out loud.

Our filters should be set that way for opposite situations. Some compliments might be too personal. “You’re beautiful” or “You look pretty, today” or “Your make up looks good, today” are, most of the time, not necessary, Just as telling someone that he/she is overweight or that she/he isn’t dressed nice isn’t necessary.

What we look like doesn’t usually matter in a professional setting. There are situations where we can say something just to help a colleague out; for example, it could be that a colleague has mascara on her cheek (or his) or his/her shirt tag is hanging out. It could be that a co-worker is getting ready for a presentation and he/she looks great! If he/she asks you, “How do I look?” this would also be when this kind of comment would be warranted.

As a boss or a supervisor you may have to, at some point, explain to someone your company’s professional attire preferences, instead of saying, “you’re dressing wrong,” you can give that person or give the whole team guidelines for what they should wear to ensure everyone is “on the same page” and comfortable in this work environment.

I have talked to clients who felt awkward about talking to co-workers about how they were dressed, so even when it’s appropriate to say something, many times these conversations are not had…because they are awkward.

What we look like doesn’t usually matter in a professional interaction.

I recently met a gentleman at a professional event who I thought was very attractive. I got a flashback of moments when men said something to me that was unwarranted. I knew if I didn’t say anything to this man about his physical appearance that he wouldn’t know how I felt and the interaction would remain professional, so I didn’t say anything…it worked…it’s that simple.

I’m saying all of this because I have been in situations when I knew that I looked good. I got up in the morning, and I did everything I could to look really nice, but I didn’t do it get that compliment; I just did it because I wanted to look nice. When a client of mine told me I looked nice, it was awkward for me. He didn’t think anything of it, but I didn’t need that compliment. It wasn’t necessary or “missing.” If you say it out loud it changes the context of the meeting from professional to personal.

If you are on a date…compliment the person you are taking out. If you are meeting someone for professional reasons, keep the conversation professional. Any comments about the other person personally makes the conversation personal.

Once you have a working relationship with a person it may become more appropriate to compliment that person, but only in circumstances when it’s warranted. I have clients whom I have worked with for years, but the situation is still professional, so I still really don’t need that compliment.

Our filters tell us it’s OK to tell someone they look pretty or beautiful, but this might have an impact on our Know Like Trust score. Telling someone she/he looks beautiful or handsome or giving somebody a physical compliment when it’s not completely necessary, could be creating issues you may not be considering. In the context of the situation or the conversation, if it’s not necessary, leave it out. Don’t say it. The lack of the compliment won’t have a negative impact on the interaction. The inclusion of the compliment might.

Click here to get your KLT Score!

On-time, Early, or Late

How to NOT be Late

Do you run late?

Would you like to learn how to be on time or better yet…early? I don’t know about you, but to me, being late used to seem like a genetic trait. My mom and dad were always late when it came to taking me to games and picking me up from school. I didn’t want to stay for after-school activities because I knew I would be the last one picked up. When I got a job and had to get into the routine of my schedule, I found that I was always 10 minutes late. No matter what I did I would always be late.

What does being late have to do with KLT?

Being late is most most closely related to trust. If you run late on regular basis your contacts will be thinking about if you are going to be on time or not and they might not want to do business with you. If someone spends a lot of time with you and “knows” you run late, he/she may not want to refer you to others.

Here are some ways you can improve your timeliness:

  • If you need to wake up at a certain time to get ready, get up 15 minutes earlier than you think you need, or wake up 30 minutes earlier and take a walk or do some other chore to get yourself moving.
  • Set multiple alarms. My husband uses different sounds to mean different things. He has an alarm that sounds like a life-threatening catastrophe that rings if he doesn’t get up after the earlier alarm. My son has an alarm that shakes his bed.
  • Know how long it takes you to get ready. I used to think getting ready should only take an hour, but when I timed myself, I found that it took me an hour and 15 minutes to get ready.
  • Know your habits. What do you get into right before you have to be somewhere? Give yourself enough time for these habits or nip them in the bud!
  • Don’t try to be on time. When you try to be on time you can only be on time or late. If you aim to be early you can be early, on time, or late. There are much better odds when you plan to arrive early. If you are late even if you give yourself more than enough time you can say you did everything you could and you were still late. *Disclaimer: EVERYONE runs late now and again due to being HUMAN. I don’t believe it is possible for someone to be on time or early to every appointment, but there are people who do manage their time better than others and who are early or on time more often than they are late.
  • If you know it takes you an hour to get somewhere, give yourself 90 minutes to get there. When you get to your destination you could run into parking issues, construction, one way streets, etc.
  • If you are not familiar with an area give yourself more time than you are anticipating needing so you can arrive without stress. I like to add 30 minutes because if you are 15 minutes behind, you are still 15 minutes early 🙂
  • Be in place. Sometimes, if I have a meeting and want to prepare, it’s easier to get there a couple hours early than it is to think about what time I have to leave to be on time. This is called “being in place.” That way I don’t have to worry about my arrival time. Another way you can do this, if you can’t go to the exact location, is to be as close to your destination as possible early to decrease the potential for traffic issues, and other problems that are out of your control.
  • Give yourself time between meetings. If you have an appointment at 8 that is supposed to last an hour, give yourself an extra 15 minutes to end the meeting. Account for the time packing up and walking to your car.
  • Be realistic. If you tend to run late, it’s ok to give yourself more time that you think you’ll need.
  • Be reliable from the start. If you are late the first time you meet someone, this creates the foundation of your business relationship. When I work with someone, if he/she doesn’t show up or is late the first couple times we meet, I am less likely to do business with that person. If a relationship is established and then someone has an incident of lateness or no-show, it’s not as big of an issue, because I already trust that person and know he/she is trustworthy, but being trustworthy takes effort.
  • Don’t put yourself against the clock. If your GPS says it takes 45 minutes to get somewhere, don’t GIVE yourself only 45 minutes to get there, adding 20-30 minutes will help you be early or on-time.
  • Learn local traffic patterns and alternative routes. I like to take “the road less traveled” to avoid traffic delays. If you know when traffic gets backed up, when trains are expected and alternative routes to your destination, you will have more control over your travel and arrival time.

Being on time can build trust, so taking extra time may be necessary and will have a positive impact on your KLT score very quickly. You can find out your “Trust” score with a KLT Report.

When Do People Trust?

Know, like, and trust don’t always happen in that order. Sometimes we are pushed into trusting someone before we know that person maybe because we have an urgent need for their services. Sometimes you have to “go with your gut” or “take a leap of faith” when you select someone to be a service provider. There are ways to build trust quickly, although trust can be lost and maybe not gained back as easily.

Build Trust

Trust is often built due to knowing someone and liking someone. There are organizations that help people build trust
faster. If you are in a fraternity with someone, you often by-pass much of the trust-building stage. Other organizations that offer the “trust-factor” are churches, schools, community service organizations, networking groups, special interests groups. If you trust a company, you often will trust their representatives based on that trust. 

What can you do to build trust? 

  • Be reliable.
  • Be available. 
  • Be present.
  • Practice good eye contact.
  • Be a good listener; don’t interrupt people.
  • Be early.
  • Be respectful.
  • Be trustworthy. This may seem obvious, but offering services that are trusted, providing services in a timely manner and being consistent can make a huge impact. 
  • Remember names or ask for them if you don’t remember them. 
  • Allow your contacts to get to know you so they begin to like you. 
  • Contribute to an organization’s needs. If you constantly duck out early or you are never willing to help, it will be difficult to build trust.
  • Be affiliated with a trusted organization in your industry.
  • Earn relevant certifications.
  • Have products, services, and or advice that you can give for free to show people you are knowledgeable.
  • Join the Better Business Bureau or other well-known entity in your industry.

Do you want to find out how well you are trusted? Your KLT Report can help you get an idea of the impression you are leaving with your contacts. 

Maslow & Know Like Trust

If you are reading this you are probably somewhat familiar with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, a philosophical theory created by Abraham Maslow in the 1940s and developed for many decades. Other experts have added more “needs” to the hierarchy such as knowledge (cognitive needs), beauty (aesthetic needs), and service to others (transcendental needs). Although these needs may seem simplified, most people discount that they are constantly working on them in the background. 

The Insights from a KLT Report Coincide with Basic Needs.

Some of these needs are met by our family or our social class. If your family is in a high social class you may never have to worry about physiological needs. Some people have to worry about these needs on a daily basis. There are many organizations that exist for the purpose of helping people meet this very basic need so they can move on to the other needs. It’s difficult to get a job if you don’t have an address, decent clothing or a way to clean and groom yourself. The needs certainly do effect each other.

I was talking to a colleague about the KLT report. We were discussing how the report isn’t a “life or death” kind of service, but it made me think about Maslow’s hierarchy and how Important it is for every person to pursue these needs and how KLT is connected to 5 out of 5 of our needs. The “what comes first” question certainly rears it’s ugly head:

  1. Physiological needs like shelter, food and water might be available for a while, but could be taken away. Imagine having a great job (employment is a 2nd tier need) and experiencing a downsizing. In 2008 2.6 million Americans lost their jobs due to no fault of their own. (https://money.cnn.com/2009/01/09/news/economy/jobs_december). Many of these people had to start completely over. Many of these people used social services to stay on their feet. The KLT report offers an opportunity to reach out to your closest circles and ask them what you could do better as we move forward. Why do we connect with people if we don’t care what they think? Why do we spend time building relationships not caring if they are built well?
  2. Safety and security needs like employment and health are in the next tier. How do people find a good job with health benefits? According to a 2010 survey by the Right Management Manpower Group, 62 percent of North American job seekers found work through networking. (https://work.chron.com/top-5-ways-people-jobs-19108.html) If our networks don’t know, like and trust us, they aren’t going to help us get a job.
  3. Relational needs are in the 3rd tier. We might not want to admit it, but fitting is SOMEWHERE is important to each of us, even if we look for groups that appreciate our specific situation. There are over 90,000 “official” trade associations in the US. (https://www.thepowerofa.org/facts/) We look for “like-minded” people who will like us and accept us. Why is Meetup.com so popular? A KLT report may help you determine that you are networking with the wrong group of people! 
  4. Confidence and respect are next, in the 4th tier. This could present a roadblock if we’re not networking effectively. We could be overly confident and not know our closest contacts are not as impressed. We could lack confidence when people think more of us than we do. We now have a way to balance out what we think is the case and what is truly going on. A KLT report can give a clear picture of the impression we are leaving.
  5. We are all here for a reason. It’s not uncommon for every person to ask himself/herself the question: “why am I here?” Whether we have found our purpose or we are still looking, a Know Like Trust report can help us understand what we are doing well and what we can do a little better. Doctors see hundreds, if not thousands of patients. Shouldn’t these doctors reach out to these people and ask them if them how well they know, like, and trust them? Leaders might think they are leading really well until the company goes bankrupt. Isn’t it better to know how you’re doing while you’re still in business?

So it’s perfectly natural to wonder what kind of impression you are leaving. If you trust the people you network with daily why wouldn’t you want to know what they think?

Don’t Take KLT Personal

Understand the KLT SystemThe KLT system is not meant to harm anyone. I would like to take a moment to explain.

Think about the words that we are using for this survey.

Know is what we learn about a person to understand why they do what they do; their background and their life. You might think you know someone based on meeting him/her at a networking event and talking to him/her for a little while. Someone else might be more conservative about saying whether or not they “know” someone, if they have only met once. In the future I would like to define that a little bit better, and I would like to give some guidelines on what it means to know someone. You might say,” I’ve met him/her, but I don’t know him/her.”

Like tends to be a bit more emotionally driven, but I want to define “like” a little bit differently. I don’t want it to be negative if you don’t like someone. It’s OK not to like someone. it doesn’t mean that it’s personal. We meet many people when we network. We can’t “like” all of them!  Maybe someone you network with just hasn’t given you enough information to know if you like that person or not. My recommendation is to go with your gut, when you are completing a KLT Survey.

Do you spend a lot of social time with the people in your networking circles? Have you went boating or on a vacation with any of these people? Do you like this person well enough to take them on a vacation? Do you like this person well enough to go to dinner? Do you like this person on the level of just social networking?

The meaning of the word like can be very different for every person, but the KnowLikeTrust survey it’s not supposed to be emotionally driven. You can ask many questions to get to Your KLT responses without using “emotion:”

  • How does this person network?
  • What vibe is he/she giving off?
  • Is this person friendly? Charismatic? Genuine? Personable?
  • Does he/she know their product/service?
  • Does he/she represent a good product/service/brand?
  • Does this person balance talking and listening?
  • Does this person sell all the time?
  • Is this person easy to be around?
  • Does this person respect everyone else in the group?
  • Does this person contribute?
  • Does he/she dress appropriately?
  • Does he/she speak appropriately?
  • Does he/she smile? Laugh? Engage with others?

This person isn’t going come back to you and ask why you don’t “like” them. Your response isn’t as important as all the answers together. Your personal information is kept confidential, anyway but even if they did get your personal information, he/she will appreciate your honest feedback.

Let’s compare networking to acting. If you are a good actor you make it seem real, Do you suspend my disbelief? In networking we might ask, Do I want to do business with him/her? The like term is not meant to be about “personal feelings.”

Trust is a bit less subjective, but it is possible to have different levels of trust. Someone explained trust to me as, “Would you trust this person is a business transaction or would you recommend this person to others. Once again, It’s not about anything personal. it could be that you get a gut feeling that a person doesn’t do good business. Maybe this person has missed an important meeting; maybe he/she has let someone else down. By telling this person that you have a lack fo trust, you can help him or her to be more accountable.

I hope this post helps to clear up any confusion with this survey and to put this survey on a different level other than personal, emotional attachments to the words know, like and trust. because we don’t have to attach anything to these words. They are just words and this is just a way to measure the efforts of someone who is going out and trying to build relationships. By choosing to NOT take someone’s survey you are not contributing to that person’s development; if you do take their survey you are helping him/her more than you know!

The goal of this report is to help people to improve their networking abilities and relationship building. Everybody can be better. Everybody can learn. Everybody can improve what they’re doing, and this report is the easiest way to know when you walk out that door, when you go to an event, when you go to a one-on-one meeting, if that time and energy put forth is beneficial. f it’s not beneficial than we don’t have to waste that time, because we can get real feedback from the people who matter most. So let’s make those moments count. Let’s help our peers be better networkers!

Founder of KnowLikeTrust

Founder of KnowLikeTrust

How Do You Earn Being “Liked?”

How is that you know if someone “likes” you. What does “like” even mean? Here’s the definition:

to find agreeable, enjoyable, or satisfactory. Synonyms: be fond of, be attached to, have a soft spot for, have a liking for, have regard for, think well of, admirerespectesteem. Antonyms: hate, dislike, not favor.

It is possible to know someone and not like that person. How is it that you get to “like” level with a person. How long does it take for someone to decide if they like you?

In a networking situation you might not have an opportunity to get to know someone for several meetings. Maybe other commitments have kept two people from getting to know each other.

How do you earn being “liked?”

Am I likable? “Like” is different than “know” because it depends more on the other person than you. For someone to know you they need to learn about you. Sometimes people decide they don’t “like” someone based on a feeling, so “like” is even less objective than “know.”

The most important think to know about “like” is that we don’t expect anyone to try to get someone to “like” you by not being YOU. Most of the time, people have a more difficulty with “like” status because they are trying too hard…they aren’t just being their genuine self. So here are some tips for making improvements in this area:

  1. Be yourself. Don’t try to be something or someone you aren’t.
  2. If you are having trouble finding something to say, don’t say anything. If you aren’t great in social settings, don’t try too hard. Just being in social settings will help you get better in them. Make a conscious effort to not say anything, rather than saying too much or something that you will regret later.
  3. Smile. There is lots of research that shows that smiling helps people bond.
  4. Be honest. If you don’t know how to respond and your concerned. Just say, “I’m sorry, I don’t know how to reply to that.” Or, “I’m sorry. I don’t understand.”
  5. Keep conversations light. Especially with people you are networking with or you don’t know very well. Stay away from controversial conversations. If you do get stuck in a controversial conversation, you can jokingly opt out.
  6. Balance conversations. If you find that you are talking a lot, try to “put the ball, in someone else’s court.” Ask a question to get someone else to take over.
  7. Do your work well. If you are in a group and you have a particular profession, knowing your profession very well speaks volumes.
  8. Don’t try to sell all the time. The rule of thumb is 80/20. While networking, only 20% is selling and 80% is relationship building.

Your KLT report can help you learn more about the impression you are leaving with you peers.

How to Export Your LinkedIn Contacts

Update: The following steps no longer work because LinkedIn has recently stopped letting users download their contact list. They say that it would be impossible to get permission from every person, so they no longer offer a downloadable email list (probably in response to GDPR). If you want to ask your LinkedIn contact to participate in your KLT survey, the best way is to post the link on your profile. You can also send the link to your contacts in a private message.

For your KLT report, you can use your LinkedIn contact list, which can be exported easily out of LinkedIn. Follow these steps to export your list:

  1. Login to Linkedin.
  2. Click “My Network” in the top nav.
  3. Click “See All” on the left side of the screen.

Export Your LInkedin Connections

4. Click “Manage synced and imported contacts on the right side of the screen.

Export Your Linkedin Contacts

5. Click “Export Contacts” on the right side of the screen.

Export Your Linkedin Contacts

6. You will see some options for what you want to export. You can select both the connections and the imported contacts, but these will be in two separate files. If you want both of them in your KLT report you will need to merge them into one file. Exporting “Connections” only should give you all of your LinkedIn connections in one place.

Export LinkedIn Connections

7. Select “Download Archive.”

8. Linkedin will send you a file to download usually in less an hour.

9. For your KLT report you can open the file and delete any emails you do not want in your report. We only need the email column. If you want to delete the other columns you can, but it’s not necessary.

How to Export Your Gmail Contacts

To get a KLT report you need to download your contacts into a spreadsheet: it’s very easy. Here is a guide for Gmail.

Gmail

  1. Log in to your Gmail account. In the top left corner of the screen, there will be a small box that says “Mail.”

Export Your Gmail Contact List

 

2. Click the arrow and select Contacts.

Find Your Gmail Contacts

3. You will see a list of your contacts. You can select which ones to include in your list or you can check the box at the top of the page to select all your contacts.

4. Once all of your contacts are selected, click the “More” button at the top of the page and select “Export.”

5. Select the number of contacts you want in the file you are exporting and the type of file. The Google CSV file will work. Then select “Export.”

Export Your Contacts from Google

6. You will then select what you want the file to be called and where it should go. Your file will then be downloaded to your computer. You can open it and edit it with Microsoft Excel or Numbers on a Mac. For your KLT Report, you will only need one column; the email address. If you want to delete the other columns you can, but if you don’t we will find the email row for you.

Do Your Contacts Really Know You?

Do Your Contacts Really KNOW You?

Networking isn’t just about selling your product or service; it’s about selling yourself and more importantly, it’s about building relationships. You probably don’t want to put it all out on the table the first time you meet someone, but you do want to leave a memorable impression and work toward the “like” of the Know LIke Trust formula.

So what can you do to help your networks know you?

  • Smile – Be engaging, be positive. Happiness is very memorable (and contagious).
  • Ask questions – While your networking, ask about people, get to know them and really listen.
  • Bring props – While you are networking, if you bring items that are memorable, you will be memorable. If you like to golf bring a golf ball if you like a sports team wear their colors. Create a memorable personal brand!
  • Take time with each person – Try not to move from one person to the next too quickly. Before you move on; ask one more question.
  • Be Choosy with Social Media Connections – When you connect with someone on LinkedIn, try to follow up with that person at another time. LinkedIn will tell you when someone is having a birthday or reaching a work anniversary. Comment on those events and talk to your contact about the milestone next time you see him/her.
  • Share fun facts about yourself – Don’t just talk about what you do at work. Talk about accomplishments, family members, hobbies, bloopers, childhood antics.
  • Do more one-on-one meetings – If you notice that you aren’t getting good results from your networking, take time to meet with some great networkers and get their feedback about your networking.
  • Wear a name tag – If you don’t have a name tag, get one made; it shows that you are serious about your networking and it helps people remember who you are.
  • Speak loudly and clearly – This might be obvious, but pronunciation could be keeping you from making yourself known. Saying your name a couple times and saying the name of your contacts at an event will help you remember them and help them remember you. My French teacher in high school always said, “5 times and it’s yours!”

Try these techniques and see if they have an impact on your networking!

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